And We Know It's Never Simple Never Easy

I wake up every morning sad, sleepless and angry.
In general life is amazing. I have no problem admitting that.
I don't think that it's something I should have to hide.
I'm happy.
But things hit you differently at different times.
That gaping hole of unfinished business.
A deep chasm of what now.

I guess nothing is supposed to make sense.

I do know that I'm being made out to be a bad guy.
But I'm not the only bad guy here.
I guess thats not the point.

....

There are so many things I want to say.
But I guess that's not the point either.

Breathe - Taylor Swift

Cats.

More Proof That Jamie One Day Will Be A Cat Lady:
My cats (3) have been spoiled with soft food for...maybe the past month? My one cat, Sultan, is incredibly shy and because of this food change he has become a really. big. diva.
Each morning and evening he yowls angrily and expectantly for his soft canned food while Jasmine, his sister, waits patiently. It's been good for him socially speaking, because he no longer fears all forms of human interaction, but seriously. Such a diva.

We have run out of soft food.

They pitifully turn their noses up the the hard kitty kibble of old. They look at their bowls and then up at me with disgust. They nibble little bites and act as though it is physically painful for them to eat this garbage. How could I be so insensitive. They refuse to eat.

I don't know why I felt the need to tell you all that.
Cat people are like this you see.
It's the same reason we buy articles of clothing with cats on them.
Or mugs.
Or slippers.
Steven, I was going to buy you a cat mug for Christmas...
You see, for now it's a trendy Forever21 novelty cat T-shirt.
Soon it will be the full blown, over washed Kitty sweater/track pants combo covered in mustard stains and fur.
Soon.
Very soon.

The Good The Bad and The...

Every time I attempt to make a blog update I get all antsy because my life = not that interesting.
I worry that you will judge my non interesting life!
But you know - life is interesting.
And as far as my blog is concerned: It's my place to write what I want about whatever I want.

the good:
Today I heard a story about some bouncers life being saved by the wallet in his mickey pocket. Some lame person decided to try to stab him because he bounced this guy out of the club. Thankfully his wallet was so full of credit cards that the knife refused to pierce his flesh! He said he never brings his wallet to work but decided to that night!
I think that's pretty cool!
We are a society obsessed with luck. Or coincidence. Or something. The word came to mind as I was listening to the radio broadcast but I can't think of it now...

the not so great:
There is something to be said about happiness. One thing you could say is that it's this ever present competition between groups of people or individuals in general. We use facebook - for example - to document our happiness. But sometimes what is happiness for you can mean hurt for others. I hope you're happy. I hope we can talk one day. I hope you don't hate me. But it's okay if you do. It's life.
One thing I am not willing to do however - is live in misplaced guilt.
Or give power to a grudge.
It is life. But it's my life too.

My Long Weekend.

Mah brain feels like it's dryer than a well thats really really dry.
And it makes no sense because no alcoholic beverages touched my lips last night.
Maybe my body is still recovering from the alcoholic beverages it's going to be consuming tonight.
I should drink more water.
And vodka.

So it's like the long weekend but half of the long weekend is done already.
Boo.
Today I'm supposed to clean the house but the thought of cleaning makes my brain even thirstier.
I remain positive that house elves would be the best solution to this and that the wizarding world is like, really lazy. I should be a wizard. Or witch. Wizard sounds cooler.
My room hasn't been clean in several months too...
Every time I try to clean it the laundry monster is like "JAAAMIIEE CAN'T DO IT."
And so I give up and go on facebook.
I need more washing machines in my house in order to accomplish the task that is my laundry.
It's so cold and dusty in my laundry room I don't like going in there.
The house elves would have to go in there.
I would like to be nice and give them a breathing mask and jacket for the dust and cold but that would mean I was giving them an article of clothing and therefore setting them free..............
This is so not how I pictured the long weekend going.

Give Me Money

I need to fill my life up with things which are fun!
The only trouble is that fun takes money.
I went into this fall thinking I would be making A LOT more money than I am. It's a little bit frustrating. Right now I don't have any money till Friday and I don't know how I'm going to get through the week. Oh so dramatic. I actually should be getting paid for dance soon here so I shouldn't stress.

Mostly I am just worried about making payments on my Visa...
Oh Visa.
Why.
WHY DID I GET YOU.
And I wish I could say that the money is being spent on frivolous fun things.
Sadly it's mostly being spent on those ordinary yet necessary things in life. Lame.
You never realized how much parking and gas costs until you have to invest in them. If I lived closer to the city I would happily take transit. Well, maybe not happily. Winter sucks.

Luckily though my paycheck is coming just in time for Halloween!
So I will be able to go out and have one last good time before buckling down even harder for a little while.
Yay!

Friends?

People are huge jerks.
They are jerks for being jerks.
And they are jerks for going along with the jerks.
Have fun with the jerks.

I like school but...

Sometimes I wish I could just take classes for fun.
Thats something I'd never picture myself saying.
But it's true!
Theatre History for instance, was admittedly one of my favourite classes.
But actually having to be tested on everything you've retained from a course now seems so disheartening. I want to learn but I don't want to be evaluated.
"Then Read a Book."
I like listening to people talk. I lose interests in educational books very easily. For the most part anyways.
Right now I'm reading up on (what I think is) the history of Atari Gaming systems and I'm not even sure what I should be remembering.
I've notice that sometimes books give you the names of things without explaining what they are, assuming their reader will understand. Because clearly if they are reading the book they have some interest and background in the subject. So by this logic I should know what a P-10 is and so on.
But I don't!
I don't speak geek. I don't even think a P-10 IS anything but it might as well be.
Something about classic text based video games...
I sit in this Art class and take pages of notes which turn out to be invalid information when if comes to a quiz after everything is said and done.
Sigh.

Why can't I just go to class, soak up the information like a sponge and feel more informed at the end of two hours. Why must we need grades to establish weather or not my obsessive note taking was worth while or not.
Because honestly, what am I going to use The History of Video Games for?